James Baldwin described his first novel, Go Tell It On the Mountain, as “the book I had to write if I was ever going to write anything else.” That sentiment deeply resonates with me.
It’s been a long time since I last posted a blog article. Reflecting on why I let it slide, I’ve realized that my previous post—about leaving the Hartford Jazz Orchestra—was a difficult one to write. Part of me held onto the idea that there might someday be a more positive follow-up to that story, where everything was resolved, and the chapter ended differently.
I truly thought they might come around, see things my way, and reach out. While I recognize now that this was wishful thinking, I still believe they missed an incredible opportunity. With their buy-in, I could have elevated the band to a new level, and I would have given it my all. But that phone call never came, and I had to accept that the chapter was truly over.
Looking back, I had hoped that the more progressive voices in the band might have championed my vision more vocally. But I understand their perspective—preservation often feels safer than change. While I’m not a preservationist, I can empathize with their caution.
In hindsight, it’s clear that leaving was for the best. Writing for that band often felt like walking a tightrope between styles, trying to bridge a divide that stifled my creativity. It wasn’t a healthy fit, and I regret not pushing harder for clarity and open dialogue about the band’s direction. It would have saved me time and frustration, but growth often comes through messy experiences.
Writing this now feels like a necessary step toward closure. Since leaving the HJO, I’ve been channeling my energy into exciting new projects where I have the freedom to fully express myself. These bands and collaborations align with who I am as an artist, and I’m thrilled about what lies ahead.
James Baldwin was right—some stories must be told to make room for new ones. In both words and music, I feel there’s much more to express, and I will continue to do so without compromise. The future is bright, and I’m excited to share the ideas and music that have been unfolding.